15 Ways To Win People Over
Life is just easier when people are on your side, right? And winning people over requires some finesse and social skills. This is how you do it.
Welcome to Locke's first step. And pretty simple. Actually, listen to what they're saying. The fastest way for someone to lose interest in you is to pretend you're listening to them and then follow up with something completely unrelated. Imagine you're telling someone about your latest vacation and they follow up with, "Yeah. And speaking of vacation, I just bought a boat." Now the conversation suddenly moves toward them. Even if you think you have something interesting to add, you need to understand when a conversation is not about you. Instead, try to show some genuine interest and you might actually learn something about the person.
And if you don't know how to do that, just follow up with some questions or clarifications. Things like, "What made you pick that vacation spot? What's the best thing about that place? Would you recommend it to other people?" You see, it is not that hard to not be a complete wall in a conversation. The key to winning people over often lies in how well you listen, not just what you say. When you listen actively, you make the speaker feel valued and understood.
And on a similar note, make them feel important. Everyone wants to feel important because they are the main character in their own story. So let them tell that story. Let them act like the main character and treat them as such. You see, empathy is about putting yourself in someone else's shoes and truly understanding their feelings and perspectives.
Whenever someone shares their experiences or problems with you, try to understand and feel what they're going through. Respond with kind words. Offer your support and avoid judgment or unsolicited advice. Show that you care about their well-being not just as a colleague or acquaintance, but as a human being, and acknowledge their presence, their actions, and their thoughts. That's how you make them feel important.
Consistent reliability. Being reliable means being someone others can count on. If you commit to doing something, ensure you follow through. Whether it's meeting deadlines, arriving on time, or keeping promises. Reliability builds trust and shows that you value others' time and expectations. Start with small commitments to avoid overextending yourself and gradually take on more responsibilities as you build confidence in your ability to deliver. People are naturally drawn to and respect those who are dependable and trustworthy.
You'll become someone everyone wants to have as a friend because reliability and trust is pretty rare nowadays, and this reliability is pretty straightforward to build up. This is how you do it. First, you never commit to anything you are not 100% confident you can deliver on. Follow through on whatever it is you said you would do. Always. And three. And this is something very few people are aware of.
Don't fall into the trap of never committing to anything to avoid being in a position where you can't follow through. You do actually have to commit to some things; if you always say, "Maybe I will, but I can't promise you anything," you're not being clever, okay? You're just being unreliable.
Be calm and friendly in tense situations. A positive attitude can be infectious, and it's an attractive quality. Try to maintain a positive and optimistic outlook, especially in challenging situations. This doesn't mean ignoring problems, but rather focusing on solutions and opportunities for growth. Be the person who uplifts others, offers encouragement, and sees the glass as half full.
A positive demeanor makes you approachable and can create a pleasant environment for everyone around you. Friendliness can disarm conflict and open up doors to better interactions. This is something not many people can manage, especially if they have a short temper, but it's definitely something valuable to work toward. It's really hard to argue with someone who doesn't want to argue but wants to find a resolution instead, and to find those resolutions. You need respectful communication. Or in other words, don't be a dick, basically.
People love using humor at the expense of others as a way to make themselves look more interesting or whatever. But the line between friendly banter and being a dick is a fine one. People must earn respect, but that doesn't mean you treat them disrespectfully until they do so. You don't have to agree with someone to see what they're trying to say. Understanding their motivations and interests can help in better communication and building some kind of rapport. You know, you've got this right? When you can have a normal conversation with someone that you don't agree with.
Authenticity. Being genuine is magnetic. In a world full of pretenders, authenticity stands out big time. Show your true self in your interactions. Share your genuine opinions. Talk about your interests and don't be afraid to show your quirks. Authenticity fosters deeper connections because people feel more comfortable and secure around those who are real with them. It builds trust and respect.
People are drawn to individuals who are comfortable in their own skin and who don't feel the need to be accepted. Plus, it's easier to talk with a human being rather than a mass ask. Humility and graciousness. Humility is acknowledging that you don't have all the answers, and that's perfectly fine. It involves admitting mistakes, being open to learning, and valuing others' contributions. And combine this with graciousness. Appreciating what you have and not taking it for granted.
Express gratitude often, be graceful in both success and failure, and show appreciation for even the smallest acts of kindness. Honesty can defuse tension real quick. If you don't know something, just say you don't know. If you made a mistake, own it quickly. This way people will know that you are for real.
Lead by example. If you want someone to improve or to change their behavior, demonstrate that behavior yourself. The way you act, the way you speak, and the way you present yourself set up the tone for everyone else. People treat you differently when your presence silently demands it. The reality is people do judge a book by its cover, and if they like the cover, they'll keep on reading.
Confidence without arrogance. Confidence is attractive. Arrogance is not. Be confident in your abilities, but stay grounded. Okay? Show that you're competent without belittling others. Confidence is about being assertive, not aggressive. It's about being firm in your values and open to other perspectives. This balance is crucial in winning people over as it demonstrates strength of character without appearing overbearing or dismissive of others.
People want to be around those who look like they can handle themselves. Body Language Awareness. Non-verbal cues play a significant role in communication, so be aware of your body language. Maintain an open posture. Make appropriate eye contact and use gestures that signal engagement and interest. Avoid close staff postures like crossed arms or crossed legs, which signal disinterest or defensiveness.
Your body language should reinforce your words, creating a coherent and inviting presence that draws people in. And there's actually a really interesting study done on how body language affects not only your image about yourself, but others too. If you look strong and tall, you'll feel more powerful and confident, and others will see that too. But on the flip side, if you make yourself small and defensive, people won't take you seriously.
All for help and support. People gravitate toward those who are helpful and supportive. Offer your assistance proactively, whether it's lending an ear to someone who needs to talk, helping a colleague with a project, or offering your skills to a friend in need. This shows you care about others' success and well-being, not just your own. However, ensure that your help is genuine and not a means to a hidden agenda.
Sincerity in your offer to help can build lasting relationships and trust. Show appreciation. Regular expressions of gratitude go a long way in winning people over. Acknowledge the efforts of others. Thank them for their contributions and show appreciation for even the smallest acts of kindness. This could be as simple as a thank you note, a public acknowledgment, or a word of encouragement.
People feel valued when their work and presence are appreciated, which in turn fosters positive feelings toward you. Find common ground. Connecting over shared interests or experiences can quickly break down barriers. Look for commonalities during your interactions. It could be shared hobbies, mutual acquaintances, similar backgrounds, or even shared challenges. This creates a sense of camaraderie and understanding.
Conversations based on common ground are often more engaging and can lead to stronger relational bonds. Allow others to save face. Never put someone else in a position where they feel embarrassed or humiliated, especially in public. They will never forget it. Okay. Even if it was something small. Allow them to maintain dignity, even in difficult situations. Give them space to stand up for themselves and the trust to do so.
And finally, avoid criticism. Because, look, in the grand scheme of things, criticism often leads to defensiveness. You might think it's constructive criticism, but chances are others won't see it that way. If you really want to win people over, focus on encouragement for the things they can do better rather than criticizing what they did wrong. Nobody wants a highlight over their own mistakes or shortcomings.
And lastly, we did save a bonus for you for sticking with us until the end. It's a simple but powerful one, and that's to remember their names because people love hearing their own name. Remember it, and use it actively in conversations with them. It's the most straightforward and simple way to make them feel valued.
When you keep asking for people's names after they've already told you, it'll make them feel like they're spectators to the conversation, not a part of it. We hope you learned something valuable here today, Alexa. We'll see you back here next time. Until then, take care.